house arrest

* disclaimer: This is long and wordy but I needed to record it 

Where do I begin. I must say that the last 2 months or so have been a blur and almost pure survival.  I must also add that it has forced me to count my blessings very much.  From my wonderful primary counselors who have picked up the slack when I haven't felt well, neighbors who have graciously let my girls play everyday after school at their homes while I sat in the basement and watched Man V. Food and counted down the minutes until Aaron arrived home from work. To my in-laws and friends who dropped off food so I didn't have to worry about dinner. To my mom who drove down everyday and drive Brooklyn to school because I wasn't allowed to drive. That is where I have to explain.

Sunday the 27th was just like any other Sunday. Church was at 9am. I had ward counsel at 7:30am so I had been up for a while and was tired. Primary had gone well but I was anxious to get home from church, get out of my heals, pop a zofran, get some lunch and take it easy. When we got home I changed my clothes and pulled out some left overs to eat quickly. When I finished I told Aaron I was going to go lay down for a bit. He was busy just getting Carter down for a nap and getting the girls some lunch. Telling Aaron I was going to lay down was the last thing I remember.

The next thing I new I came too, on my bed with a room full of people. There was a man kneeling down next to me on the side of the bed asking me questions. I don't really remember much of what he said to me. I was very confused about what was going on. Apparently it was an off duty police officer who had arrived before the ambulance.  Aaron said the ambulance took about 10 minutes or so to arrive after he called 911. Aaron told me later that he came in to change his clothes and said he saw me on the bed with my eyes open. He said he asked me how I was feeling and I didn't respond. He asked me again and I didn't respond. Then he got very nervous and called 911.  I was breathing but unresponsive to him. Shortly after the ambulance arrived I "came to" but was very confused for a few hours.  I recognized the people around me but for instance when they asked me what month it was, I said February and when Aaron mentioned the pregnancy I said, "I'm pregnant?!"  It is a scary feeling when a doctor asks you a question like how old are you, and you know you should know the answer and you don't. Eventually everything did come back but not with a lot of unanswered questions.  Aaron and I weren't sure what happened between the time I went back to our room and he found me.

It took two weeks to get in with a neurologist (The ER doctor thought I had some type of seizure) in the meantime I wasn't allowed to drive, hence my mom driving down everyday to take Brooklyn to kindergarten.  When Aaron and I were seen by the doctor he did confirm that I had a grand mal seizure.  I was pretty surprised because Aaron never saw me shaking. The doctor said that Aaron must have come in right after I finished.  He sighted that Aaron said I was coughing a bit while I was "out" and that the next day my whole body was very sore, and the confusion that I had after. (I never put then together) All very typical for having a seizure.  We have a family history of seizures so I wasn't completely surprised either.   I was heartbroken when he said I would have to be on daily medication, although I am grateful there is medicine to help control it, and that as a result I couldn't drive for 6 months while they insured the medication was stopping all types of seizures. How glad I was though that it happened at home, and not in front of my kids.

At first I didn't really think it would be a big deal but when reality set in, it was very hard. Not being able to drive takes away a huge bit of my independence.  I now depend on the service of friends, family and neighbors for errands, making sure Brooklyn can get to school, getting to the grocery store, doctors appointments etc.  I have been over-whelmed at the kindness of others just in the last few weeks.  It has made Christmas preparations a little tricky but we are managing. Life just needs some tweaking now. On another note, the baby is fine. I don't know if the OBGYN will want to monitor me any closer now.. I haven't seen him since the neurologist. My biggest concern has been the baby.  I have faith that everything will be ok.  I am trying to have a good attitude and figure I'll just have to get a lot of projects around my house to keep me busy.  So if you're ever wondering where to find me...

I'll be at home!

My cousin Keri took these amazing pictures of our family this Fall.  They've been waiting to make their Christmas card debut but alas I don't think they're going to happen.  Enjoy and please look for our card next year as a family of 6! Wow that sounds scary!

some things... have got to give

I've come to the conclusion that right now, in the midst of pregnancy yuck, there are a few things in my life that are just going to have to go by the way side, or simply not happen.  It makes me extra discouraged that this "3 month flu" I like to call it, happened to hit during all the holidays, especially Christmas.  I've had to come to the realization that this year is going to be different and hopefully my kids won't be scarred for life because of an absence of baking, cooking, getting dressed on my part, laundry, treat making, and a lack of an over-all Christmas-y disposition.  Poor Aaron comes home from work, usually cooks dinner, cleans up and then I am in bed around 8 pm. 

I really have so much to be grateful for though. High on the list is unisom so I can sleep. zofran for my nausea, my family and friends who have been so willing to help out with kids, errands and picking up the slack in my calling, and the bus that takes the kids to school in the freezing temperatures.  Really I am blessed to be able to be a mother and have this baby. I know that there are so many who would love to feel as bad as I do, just to have a baby.  I remind myself that this isn't going to last forever and this is probably going to be our last one. I am trying to live in the moment of each part of it and not wish it away. Even though I am counting down the days until I feel like myself again.  I remember with Anna thinking things like, I am never going to sleep again, I am never going to be able to sit though sacrament meeting in church again,  and I'm never going to loose this weight. Although with each baby your life does change drastically, some things do get back to more normal, and they don't last forever.  I guess that is the perspective that you gain with time and experience.